Episode 7 transcap – a gift for a friend. Enjoy!
(I didn’t really proofread this, and I’m terrified at the thought of going back to fix everything. So I won’t… Don’t mind the spelling/grammar mistakes.)
Taewoong: Yes, sure.
Yoonje: Where are you going?
Taewoong: They asked me to move my car.
Yoonje: That’s why you should bring along an aide. You’re so peculiar!
Caption: 2012 Seoul- Busan Gwangan High School’s 38th Class Alumni Reunion
Siwon: Oppa-yah! (Satoori form of “oppa”) Bring me back my cardigan from the car!
Yoojung: How can you still call him oppa?!
Siwon: Then should I call him “Congressman?” I’m just going to call him as I wish! (Handing her cellphone to Yoonje) Take this off for me. I need to change the battery, but it won’t come off.
Yoojung: Even so, isn’t it a little wrong to call the president-to-be an oppa?
Joonhee: All my friends say Mr. Yoon Taewoong will win.
Sungjae: The youngest ever mayor, our country’s first chaebol of a venture company, and on top of that… how much was it? His company is worth two trillion won (roughly $2 billion), I believe. His personal assets add up to 115.3 billion won (roughly $115.3 million)! I can’t even earn $100,000 in a year. For me to earn $115.3 million dollars, I’d have to work 1,153 years!
Hakchan: But he’s always magnanimous. I’ve never seen him angry outside of teaching. He’s warm, gentle, listens well to others… He’s perfect. Absolutely perfect!
Sungjae: And yet how can the two brothers be so different? What is this? A water cooler? The older brother is the warm water, and that one over there is the ice-cold water. It’s from the same machine, but the temperature of the water is completely different.
Siwon: Hey, hey! It’ll break!
Yoonje: It won’t break.
(And, he breaks it.)
Siwon: You want to die! I paid $30 for it!
Yoonje: Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to break it.
Siwon: Look at you. You broke it on purpose, didn’t you?!
Yoonje: You little…!
Siwon: Did you lose your mind?!
Sungjae: Ice cold water or not, to Sung Siwon, he’s just plain water.
Siwon: He’s gone crazy.
Yoojung: Stop already. Everyone’s staring at you two!
News: The younger brother of the presidential candidate, Yoon Taewoong, is also making the news. Yoon’s only brother, Yoon Yoonje, matriculated at Seoul University School of Law at the top of his entering class, then went on to graduate from the Judicial Research & Training Institute at the top of his class, and is now serving as a judge in Seoul. Level-headed and straight as an arrow, Judge Yoon Yoonje has earned the nickname of “Iceman.” At the ripe age of 33, he is already well respected as a judge. After it was learned that Judge Yoon was Yoon Taewoong’s younger brother, he has also earned the nickname of “Nation’s Judge.” But he has yet to make any public appearance with the presidential candidate, Yoon Taewoong.
News: With the arrival of President Kim Daejung, the inaugual ceremony of the 15th president began.
Yoojung: Let’s break up.
Hakchan: How can you say something like that at a crabhouse?
Sungje: What was the reason?
Hakchan: Because I eat with these three fingers. She says it looks lowly.
News: A computer-generated, cyber singer has made an appearance. Named Adam, the cyber singer will be actively promoting like an actual singer.
Yoojung: Let’s break up.
Hakchan points out that he’s eating the crab with two fingers.
Sungjae: What was the reason this time?
Hakchan: Because I wore a V-neck over a V-neck.
October 1998 (D-30 days until the college entrance exams)
News: Fin.K.L. is enjoying explosive popularity. With their bright and cheerful song, “To My Boyfriend,” they are taking the music world by storm.
Yoojung: Let’s break up.
Hakchan points to his two fingers, and then to his crewneck tee.
Sungjae: What did that crazy girl say was the reason this time?
Joonhee: Why? What did she say?
Hakchan: I don’t know. She didn’t tell me this time. What should I do?
Yoonje: We won’t ever know until we die.
Joonhee: Is there anything that comes to mind?
Hakchan: No. Nothing.
Sungjae: I’m going to die of curiosity. Should I go and ask her for you?
Yoonje: Punk. If you go ask her that, it’ll really be the end for him and Yoojung.
Joonhee: Then what can it be?
Sungjae: Just break up with her. The way I see it, she’s not of a right mind. Just go up and tell her that you can no longer date a crazy bitch like her.
Hakchan: That I can’t do.
Sungjae (to Yoonje): This is all your fault.
Yoonje: What did I do?
Sungjae: Because you didn’t accept Yoojung’s feelings, Hakchan fell for that ggot-baem (literal translation: “Flower snake,” is a term used to describe a woman who manipulates men for money. Similar to the English term “gold digger.”)
Sungjae: Hakchan! My friend!
Yoonje: Is he crazy?
Taewoong: Medical school… You want to go to medical school?
(Eun Dokki nods.)
Taewoong: Yonsei University School of Medicine?
(Eun Dokki nods.)
Eun Dokki: It’s been my dream ever since junior high. I want to become an awesome doctor like Shin Eun Kyung’s character in General Hospital.
(Eun Dokki nods.)
Taewoong: Do you know that you’re at the bottom of your class?
(Eun Dokki nods.)
Taewoong: Come back again with a different answer.
EPISODE 7: “Future Hopes”
Yoojung: Isn’t that Jang Woodong (nickname for Jang Woohyuk’s fan) from Class 3?
Jang Woodong: Ahnseung Buin! Is it true that you’re “By Ho’s Side?” (Note: “Ho” as in Ahn Seung Ho.)
Jang Woodong: I mean, are you the online fanfic writer, “By Ho’s Side?”
Siwon: Yeah, I am.
Jang Woodong: Oh my! I didn’t realize that there was a star among us. They say there’s a talent in all of us. Are you really the one?
Yoojung: She is. Siwon is “By Ho’s Side” on H.O.T.’s fansite.
Jang Woodong: Girl, I’m totally your fan! I spent all last night reading your fanfic!
Yoojung: She’s quite a writer. She’s very straightforward in her writing.
Jang Woodong: That’s right! It’s totally obscene! I mean, I like it! I like it a lot! But when is Chapter 34 coming out? I’m going to die of curiosity.
Siwon: Wait just a little longer. My mom has been throwing a fit about the phone bill, so I’m going to upload it all at once.
Jang Woodong: You’re still not using ADS? Do you want me to update it for you?
Siwon: Are you dying to know?
Jang Woodong: Totally! It ended with Tony and Woohyuk in the showers together. How can I not be?!
Siwon: Here. Give it back to me after you finish it. I’m gonna kill you if you print it out and pass it to others! You read it by yourself!
Jang Woodong: Girl, I love you! (Getting up to leave) But you’re not going to have Woohyuk end up with Heejun now, are you? Tony and Woohyuk. Heejun and Kangta. You have to stick to the pairings.
Siwon: Do you want to read no further than Chapter 33?
Jang Woodong: No. See you later!
Kim Sunah: Yes.
Taewoong: Do you know what is the foundation of an announcer? It’s precise delivery. Using standard Korean. Give it a try reading this.
Kim Sun Ah: Here ya is the nexxt noos. The repressentative English high faashion, Bahbarry, haas filed aw lawlsuit against dahmestic clothing comp~any using checkereds patterrns, and won. Thru their leegall counssel, the clothing comp~anies have denieds anny wrrongdooings. Kim Sunah of five o’clock noos.
Danji: I’ll rewrite it (future aspiration essay).
Taewoong: Danji. In the end, future dreams is about what you’ll do to earn a living. You’re going to be an adult soon. If you waste your time and money chasing after a pipedream, who will take responsibility for it? That’s why a person should be satisfied with a dream close by. If you chase after a faraway dream, it’ll just be hard on you and sting your heart. A futile passion aches your heart. That’s why they say a one-sided love is the most foolish thing in the world. If you meet a person who loves you more than you love him, there would be no cause for heartaches or wasting of time. Instead of the things you want to do, let’s look for things that you can do. You only live once.
Sungjae: Maybe she discovered your porn collection.
Hakchan: No. I don’t let my babies out into the outside world.
Joonhee: Then did you do something dirty while eating?
Hakchan: Not at all. I was perfect. I ate the crabs with two fingers. I didn’t wear V-neck with a V-neck.
Yoonje: Maybe she just got tired of you. One year is a long time to date.
Sungjae: Damn, it died again! Girls and Tamagotchis tire you out like this! Hakchan, stop dating that crazy bitch and raise this thing instead. It at least tells you why it’s mad. (to his Tamagotchi) Aigoo, you pooped again! It pooped, it pooped!
Hakchan: You date that thing for the rest of your life!
Sungjae: You’re talking too harsh. (to his Tamagotchi) You should clean your own poop.
Taewoong: It’s still not too late. Why don’t you look into sports major colleges? With your physical prowess, if you prepare hard-core for a month or two, you may be able to make it.
Siwon: Is Dongguk University a stretch?
Taewoong: Dongguk University?
Siwon: My dream is to go to the same college as Tony oppa.
Taewoong: Do you want me to be upfront, or long-winded?
Taewoong: With your grades, Dongguk University would be difficult. Let’s look elsewhere.
Siwon: If you’re upfront?
Taewoong: Dongguk University, my foot! You can’t get into any college!
Taewoong: Keep it down.
Siwon: Do whatever it takes to find a college for me. If not, I’m going to snitch to the principal that you and Yoonje are brothers.
Taewoong: Are you threatening me?
Siwon: Help me.
Taewoong: There must be something you excel at. Let’s look for it together. Go on! The bell will ring soon.
(Siwon gets up to leave.)
Taewoong: And, the principal knows that we’re brothers. Blackmail me with something else.
Yoonje: You won’t be able to see Tony even if you go to Dongguk University. They just go to school by name. You think they actually attend their classes?
Siwon: My oppa is not like that.
Yoonje: You’re impossible. If Tony, that monkey, asks you to marry him, would you marry him?
Siwon: No. I won’t.
Siwon: He needs to meet a better woman than me. (Whimpers) Oppa~~
Yoonje: When are you going to grow up?! When? Please!
Sungjae: Yoonje, teach was looking for you.
Siwon: I don’t need to go.
Sungjae: Crazy bastard. The kid who ranks first in his class is saying that he’ll go to the air force academy, and not Seoul University. Of course our teacher is going crazy. Hurry on over before he directs his anger at us.
Hoobae girl #1: Sunbae-nim, try this.
Hoobae girl #2: She made it all last night.
Hoobae girl #1: I didn’t know what you’d like, so I prepared cream cake.
Yoonje: I don’t like sweets. (To Siwon and Sungjae) I’m off.
Siwon: Wow, that son of a bitch! (to the girls) Hey, don’t worry. I’ll make sure he gets it. And if possible, find someone else to like.
Hoobae girl #1: Thank you.
Siwon: Tada! Oh, my! It looks delicious! But is Yoonje always that cruel? He could have just accepted it, and not date her. He has a taste of a choding (elementary school student), and goes crazy for sweets.
Sungjae: Didn’t you know? He’s just easygoing with you.
Teacher: Leave. No matter what you say, I won’t write it for you.
Yoonje: Please write my application.
Teacher: Would you write it if you were in my shoes? Your grades are good enough to get a full ride to Seoul University. What crazy teacher would write that application?
Yoonje: It’s my life.
Teacher: What about my life? For the first time ever since becoming a teacher, I’m about to have one of my students get in Seoul University School of Medicine. What about my life? What are you going to do about that?
Yoonje: There’s Joonhee. Tell him to go.
Teacher: Are you two playing with me? Joonhee says he wants to go to the air force academy as well!
Danji: Siwon! Hey, Sung Siwon!
(Siwon nudges Yoojung)
(Teacher snatches the fanfic)
Teacher: What is this? Huh? (Reads) Woohyuk pushed Seungho roughly through the cracked open door. And then he charged at Seungho’s lips. Ack! Euk! Seungho’s white lips swelled bright red. “Don’t do this. You have Chilhyun. Go back!” “No, I don’t want to. Because you’re now a slave for me.”
Siwon: Stop reading it.
Taewoong: Did you write all this?
Siwon: If you tell my parents, I’ll never see you again!
Taewoong: I found a way.
Taewoong: You may be able to go to college after all!
Siwon: What is he talking about?
Taewoong: Where did that pamphlet go? It was here.
Poster: High School Student Creative Writing Contest
Yoonje: Feels much better, huh?
Joonhee: Thanks for the drink.
Yoonje: It looks like “Bloodbath” (nickname for their homeroom teacher) won’t write an application for both of us. It would be a shame to waste your good grades.
Joonhee: Bloodbath seems to think of yours as a greater loss. I just do well in our class. You’re of a completely different scale.
Yoonje: I’ve never thought of going anywhere but the air force academy. (To Joonhee) Why do you want to go to the air force academy?
Joonhee: I just want to. I just came to want to. Is it because of your father?
Yoonje: No. It’s not because of my father in heaven, but because of someone else.
Joonhee: Me too. Same for me.
Sungjae: Those punks! The others study to death and talk about going to the air force academy or Seoul University. What a showoff.
(Looks to Hakchan)
Sungjae: That’s right. You must be burning inside. The others are jealous that you have a girlfriend. But who would be able to guess… that your girlfriend is a crazy bitch!
Hakchan: Don’t badmouth her.
Sungjae: I really don’t get it. Maybe you wore white socks. Or maybe you used a wet cloth to wipe yourself here and here.
Hakchan: It’s not something that simple. She’s very meticulous. I think it is something so small that we can’t even imagine.
Sungjae: What could it be? Is she just a wacko?
Yoonje: You’re wrestling with the computer every waking hour? Stop torturing the poor computer.
Taewoong: Your homeroom teacher is very upset because of you.
Yoonje: It’s none of his business. I said I want to go…
Taewoong: Joonhee too?
Yoonje: It seems like it.
Taewoong: Must you go there? The principal and the vice principal have very high expectations for you two. Hearing that the first and the second ranked students in the school are going to the air force academy had placed your homeroom teacher in an awkward predicament.
Yoonje: Then what can I do? That’s the only thing I want to do.
Taewoong: Don’t just follow dad’s dream. Think of mom’s dream as well. Mom’s dream was for you to be anything, but a pilot. She would be sad.
Yoonje: It’s not because of dad’s dream. It’s because I really want to do this. I’m going to bed.
Yoonje: After I finish my college entrance exam, you should seek after what you want to do, too. Mom’s dream was for you to become a president. I’m all grown now, so you live your life too. Any more, and I would be too sorry.
Yoonje at 10 years old
Taewoong (in high school): Yoonje! Dad’s home! I said dad’s home! Let’s go.
Yoonje: Dad! Pilseung!
Yoonje’s dad: Pilseung!
Siwon’s voiceover: It was on this day that I decided I have to marry a man in uniform.
(Siwon walks in.)
Siwon: Yoonje, I might be able to go to Dongguk University!
Yoonje: Girl, knock!
Siwon: Knock, my foot! Is this your dad’s clothes? Wow! (Trying on the jacket.) How do I look? I look better in it than you, huh?
Yoonje: Look at those shoulders. How can father’s clothes fit you so perfectly? It must be nice that it fits you so well.
Siwon: You dad was so handsome. He was totally my ideal man.
Yoonje: I know. Turn around, so I can change. But anyway, how are you going to Dongguk University?
Siwon: With the power of fangirlism!
Yoonje: “Ack! Ack! Woohyuk kissed the top of Tony’s head, and then grabbed him for a tighter embrace. Hak! Hak! The sound of their breath filled the room.”
Yoonje (to Siwon): Are you sexually frustrated?
Siwon: Read it for its artistic merit.
Yoonje: “With trembling hands, Woohyuk lowered his zipper.”
Yoonje: You should pair up with Hakchan.
Siwon: Does Hakchan write fanfics too?
Yoonje: No. The genre’s a little different.
Yoonje: But how will she get into college with this?
Taewoong: Look at it for its artistic quality. First, let’s change Woohyuk’s name to Woojin. And Tony to Seungho. And the shower scene can be changed to a basketball scene.
Siwon: And the kissing scenes will all be turned into handshake scenes.
Taewoong: That’s right!
Siwon: That’s right!
Hakchan: I really don’t know why.
Yoonje: Just ask her. We’ll never be able to solve this. You watch porn everyday, and you don’t know this?
Hakchan: They communicate not with words, but with their body!
Sungjae: I’m dying of curiosity. I can’t take it anymore. Just ask her, and then break up!
Joonhee: I really don’t know this time.
Sungjae: Hey, over there. It’s that girl who gave you a cake yesterday.
Hoobae girl #1: Since you said you don’t like sweets… (hands him an embroidered heart pillow)
Sungjae: Is that you?
Siwon: What’s that?
Yoonje: It’s nothing.
Siwon: Hey, take off your underwear.
Yoonje: Are you crazy?
Sungjae: You’re so blessed, so blessed.
Siwon: This here is my college entrance exam. My life hangs on this. Let me borrow the underwear of the number one student!
Sungjae: Take it off, take it off!
Yoonje: Okay, okay! I’ll take it off and give it to me later at home.
Siwon: No, no. I need to drop it off at the post office today. Today is the deadline.
Yoonje: Okay, okay! Go ahead to the post office. I’ll drop it off at the post office later.
Siwon: Hurry up!
Joonhee: Hey, if you win first place, can you really get into Dongguk University?
Siwon: Yeah. If I place first, I can get special admission. And your college entrance exam is only worth 30% of your acceptance criteria. This is all thanks to my H.O.T. oppas!
Yoonje: That 30% will be too much for you!
Siwon: You want to die!
Yoonje: I’m not going to give you my underwear.
Siwon: If you don’t want to have them taken off publicly, hurry up and make your underwear delivery to the post office. Got it?
Sungjae: You’re always freeloading. Shouldn’t you give Yoonje something, when he’s even giving you his underwear?
Siwon: I don’t have any money. I spent it all on buying Yoojung’s present yesterday.
Sungjae: What present?
Siwon: Birthday present. It was Yoojung’s birthday the day before yesterday. Hakchan should know. Isn’t that why you guys went to the crabhouse? Hey, what did you get her? Yoojung wouldn’t tell me. It must have been something really nice. (to Yoonje) It has to be your underwear, not anyone else! Got it? See you later!
Yoonje (smacking Hakchan’s head): Die, you bastard!
Joonhee (smacking Hakchan’s head): He deserves to die!
(Sungjae smacks around Hakchan’s head.)
Yoojung: I have nothing to say to you.
Hakchan: Wait… I’m sorry it was a little late. Here.
A month later, at a motel near the air force academy
Yoonje: What are you looking at?
Joonhee: Sample interview questions.
Yoonje: Where did you get that?
Joonhee: It was posted online. They were posted by the people who got interviewed last year. You wanna take a look?
Yoonje: Why would you worry about the interview? You give the best impression in the world!
(Grabs the papers)
Yoonje: Should I test you?
Yoonje: Get ready! Imagine that I’m the interviewer. When did you decide to apply?
Joonhee: Since high school.
Yoonje: What is the most memorable current event to you? Do you believe that the U.S.-Korean foreign relations should…? What do you think is the most important thing in an organization?
Yoonje: Is there someone you like right now?
Joonhee: They have such a question?
Yoonje: Yeah, it does. Is there someone you like right now?
Joonhee: Uhh… Yes.
Yoonje: Is it someone I know?
Yoonje: Is it Sung Siwon?
Joonhee: (pause) I should go wash up.
Wall posting: Freshmen seat arrangement
(Two years ago. Gwangan High School first day of school)
Sungjae: This school is crazy! We’re seated by the order of academic rank? What?! I’m last?!
Yoonje: No, your partner is last.
Sungjae: Are we just mere objects? This is a clear violation of human rights. They think people at the bottom of the class don’t have any pride? There’s no way I can sit like this. Happiness is not determined by your grades!
Teacher: Happiness is determined by your grades, you punks! Shall we get hit in order on the first day of school? Scram inside!
Student: Teach! But this is very unfair.
Teacher: What? Unfair? You punks! There’s no equality and human rights in humanities high school. You think anyone would treat you fairly when you don’t go to college? Don’t regret it later when applying for colleges. Get your act straight. Hurry inside!
Sungjae (to Yoonje): Let’s go. Let’s go.
Yoonje: But!!! We’ll sit like this, as long as the teachers also post the names of your college, teaching certification scores, and grades, ordered by rank. We’ll sit like this, but you should also post your grades.
Teacher: What did you just say?
Yoonje: There’s no equality and human rights in a humanities high school.
Teacher: This rascal… clench your teeth tight!
Taewoong (grabs teacher’s hand): He’s a student in my class. I’ll take care of it. What are you all doing here. Go into your classroom!
Taewoong (lets out a sigh of relief): I thought I was gonna pee in my pants! Are you into wu xia these days? What’s with the hero imitation?
Yoonje: I didn’t know it would go so out of hand either. I’m now reading Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and suddenly I’m overwhelmed with righteous indignation. But even so, sitting by academic rank is too much.
Taewoong: Bear it for a month or two. I’ll talk to the principal about it. Come home early today. And pick up my shirt.
(Back in the classroom)
Student #1: Why isn’t number one here yet? I heard that the number one kid in our class is also ranked first in the school. I want to see how he looks like.
Student #2: Didn’t know you?
Student #1: What?
Student #2: You should have seen him. That nutcase.
Sungjae: Are you okay?
Yoonje: Of course I’m alright. Just bear it for a month or two. If not, I told him I’ll report them to the Board of Education.
Sungjae: Control your temper.
Student #3: Hey, teach is coming!
Sungjae: Go on, number 1. Number 47 will go to his 47th seat.
Yoonje: Do you have an English dictionary?
Yoonje: Number 15,342 – Yoon Yoonje. Four. Seven. Nine. Two.
Doctor: Didn’t you know? Your vision is under 0.8.
Doctor: You have to have over 0.8 to pass, but you’re not even 0.3.
Yoonje: Does that mean I failed?
Doctor: Then do you plan to fly a fighter jet while wearing glasses?
A week earlier, at a neighborhood ophthalmology office
Yoonje: Two. Three. Nine. Umm, ten?
Yoonje: Thank you.
Doctor: Oh, he got them all wrong.
Yoonje: You sleeping?
Yoonje: You didn’t know either?
Joonhee: No. I thought I got all better.
Yoonje: At least a collapsed lung is less embarrassing. I applied to the air force academy test with my poor sight. What am I to do with that quack doctor!
Joonhee: Our teacher is going to make so much fun of us.
Yoonje: He’ll have a heyday.
Test administrator: Kang Joonhee! Kang Joonhee!
(Stamps “No Show”)
Taewoong: A person should be satisfied with a dream close by. If you chase after a faraway dream, it’ll just be hard on you and sting your heart. A futile passion aches your heart. That’s why they say a one-sided love is the most foolish thing in the world.
Joonhee: Bang Sungjae is going to have a heyday too. What are we going to do?
Yoonje: Sungjae is not too bad. The problem is how much Sung Siwon will make fun of us. It’ll last at least 6 months.
Taewoong: And yet, the reason why that foolish one-sided love is worth it is because…
Siwon: Really? Really? Mom, I won first place! I’m going to college!
Taewoong: That passion sometimes makes a great miracle.
2012, Busan Sajik Baseball Stadium
Broadcast booth for Lotte Giant Busan Seagulls’ announcers
Taewoong: And sometimes, the dreams can come true.
August 2012, Seoul
Taewoong: And even if the dream doesn’t come true, you have the opportunity to linger near the dream and find happiness.
Taewoong: Of course, that’s extremely rare. One-sided love almost always fail. But because of that failure, giving up before even trying and worrying about how to make a living, that would be pitiful too. Instead of the things you can do, let’s first challenge at the things you want to do. You only live once. But still, this isn’t possible. There’s no medical school that accepts someone at the bottom of the class. Become a doctor in another life. And let’s look for something else. Is there anything else you want to be besides a doctor?
Eun Dokki: Accountant for DSP.
Taewoong: What’s DSP?
Eun Dokki: Sechs Kies’ company! I’ll be able to Jiwon oppa everyday!
Caption: 2012 Seoul, Busan Gwangan High School 38th Class Alumni Reunion
Yoojung: I’m probably the only girl in the world to have received a cross-stitch from her boygriend.
Sungjae: Cross-stitching? Hakchan did?
Sungjae: Hey, do you still write fanfics these days too?
Siwon: Are you crazy? I read the ones I wrote in the past. I can’t even look at them.
Hakchan: What’s a fanfic?
Yoojung: Stories about idol group members loving each other, kissing, and things like that.
Hakchan: Don’t do that! When the members see that, it’s really annoying and uncomfortable.
Yoojung: Why are you getting worked up about it?
Others (to Hakchan): Who do you think you are to worry about that?
Hakchan: Huh, why did I do that?